How to read people 5 secrets backed by research

How to read people 5 secrets backed by researchHow to read people 5 secrets backed by researchWed all like to learn how to read people like Szu sichlock Holmes. And research shows understanding things like body language is even morapowerful than you might think.MIT found that the outcome of negotiations could be predicted by body language alone 87% of the time.FromThe Charisma Myth How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal MagnetismAfter extensive studies, the MIT Media Lab concluded that it could predict the outcome of negotiations, telephone sales calls, and business plan pitches with 87 percent accuracy simply by analyzing participants body language, without listening to a single positiv of content.But fruchtwein of what youbelieve about body language and analyzing othersisbased on myth or guesswork, not real research.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraSo how can you learn how to read people the right way? Lets get answers from experts and studies.But first we need to understand all the mistakes youre makingHeres What Youre DoingWrongInThe Silent Language of Leaders How Body Language Can Helpor HurtHow You Leadthe author points out a number of common errors people make in reading peopleIgnoring context Crossed arms dont mean much if the room is cold or the chair theyre sitting in doesnt have armrests. Everything has to pass the common sense test given the environment. So ask yurself Should someone in this situation be acting like this?leid looking for rubriks One of the biggest errors youmake is looking for one single tell. Thats great in movies about poker players but in real life its a consistent grouping of actions (sweating, nichts voning the face, and stutteringtogether) that is really going to tell you something. So ask yourselfAre fruchtwein ofthis persons behaviors associated with X?Not getting a baseline If someone is always jumpy, jum piness doesnt tell you anything. If someone is always jumpy and they suddenly stop moving - HELLO. So ask yourselfIs this how they normally act?Not being conscious of biases If you already like or dislike the person, its going to affect your judgment. And if peoplecomplimentyou, aresimilarto you, areattractive these can all sway you, unconsciously. (I know, I know, you dont punkt for those tricks. Well, the biggest bias of all is thinking youreunbiased.)(To learn the 4 rituals that will make you an expert at anything, clickhere.)Soyoure taking context into consideration, youre looking for clusters of behaviors, youre getting a baseline and youre aware of your biases. Tall order. Lets make it simple to startIn reading people, when can you trust your gut?When To Trust Your InstinctsGood News your first impressions areusually pretty accurate.Bad News whether they are wrong or right,first impressionsaffect us in a big wayandwe are slow to change them.Sam Goslingis about as close toSher lock Holmes as you can get. Hes apersonality psychologist at the University of Texas and author of the bookSnoop.Heres SamFirst impressions are often quite helpful but you have to be willing to update them quite rapidly. Thats whats very hard to do.So with no tips from me or Sam, and nothing mora to go on than a glance, what should youtrust your gut about when you first meet someone?Studies show if someone seemsextroverted, confident,religiousorconscientious- they probably are.And if theyre good-looking, trust your instinctseven mora.Why?We all pay mora attention to pretty people - and so our evaluations end up beingmora accurateOverall, people do judge a book by its cover, but a beautiful cover prompts a closer reading, leading mora physically attractive people to be seen both mora positively and more accurately.And Sam says you can trustsomeones visual identity claims.These are the things someone chooses to display that says something about who they are or how they want to be pe rceived.A class ring. T-shirts with slogans. Tattoos. Pay attention to them because theyre usually accurate signs.HeresSamIdentity claims are deliberate statements we make about our attitudes, goals, values, etcOne of the things thats really important to keep in mind about identity statements is because these are deliberate, many people assume we are being manipulative with them and were being disingenuous, but I think theres little evidence to suggest that that goes on. I think, generally, people really do want to be known. Theyll even do that at the expense of looking good. Theyd rather be seen authentically than positively if it came down to that choice.Now this is all pretty personal. So what about if youre trying to read someone in a professional context?Want to know if someone is good at their job? Thenwatch them do it for thirtyseconds - or even justsix seconds.Your guess about their competence is more likely to be right than wrongIn the 1st study, consensual judgments of col lege teachers molar nonverbal behavior based on very brief (under 30 sec) silent video clips significantly predicted global end-of-semester student evaluations of teachers. In the 2nd study, similar judgments predicted a principals ratings of high school teachers. In the 3rd study, ratings of even thinner slices (6 and 15 sec clips) were strongly related to the criterion variables.Want to know if someones smart?Researchsays this is hard to tell from mere appearancewhen evaluating adults. But theres a trick that can help. Are they funny? Becausefunny people are smartThe current study lends sttze to the prediction that effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.And theres one other thing to listen for while theyre yakking.Theword I can be very tellingPowerful people dont say it much. Less powerful people say it the mostPennebaker finds that people who use I at higher rates tend to come across as more personal, warm and honest. While people who use I at lower rates come across as more self-confident He also finds that the highest status person in a relationship tends to use I the least, and the person who is the lowest status tends to use the word I the most.(To learn what Harvard research says will make you happier and more successful, clickhere.)Okay, so you know when to trust your gut. Now there are a gazillion studies on behavior, so lets focus on reading people to get answers to the questions we all want to know, likeCan ITrust This Person?Of course, people trying to deceive or manipulate you are going to fake signals that they are trustworthy.So we need to focus onunconscious behaviors that arent easily controlled and convey a clear message.InHonest Signals How They Shape Our World, the authors mention oneto keep your eye onSpeech mimicry andbehavioralmimicryAre they using the same words you use? Speaking at a similar speed and tone? Are they sitting the way you sit? Is a subtle, unconscious game of follow-the-leader go ing on? This is a sign the other person feels emotionally in sync with you. Itcanbe faked but thats difficult to pull off across an entire conversation.Beyond that, trustpeople who areconsistently emotionally expressivein their body languageThese results suggest that cooperators may be more emotionally expressive than non-cooperators. We speculate that emotional expressivity can be a more reliable signal of cooperativeness than the display of positive emotion alone.(To learn an FBI behavior experts tips on how to get people to like you, clickhere.)And now lets look at the other side of the coinwhattells yousomeones not-so-nice?Is This PersonUp To No Good?Lets start at the extreme. You can generally trust your gut as to whether someone is going to gofull-Jeffrey-Dahmer on youWe then report two experiments in which participants, given a set of headshots of criminals and non-criminals, were able to reliably distinguish between these two groups, after controlling for the gender, race, a ge, attractiveness, and emotional displays, as well as any fhigkeit clues of picture origin.Now I dont want youstereotyping people or thinkingyoure ready to be acriminal profiler. But if you really want to know if a man is dangerous,ask a short guyAlthough men generally perceived masculinized faces and voices to be more dominant than feminized versions, this effect of masculinity on dominance perceptions welches significantly greater among shorter men than among taller men. These findings suggest that differences among men in the potential costs of incorrectly perceiving the dominance of rivals have shaped systematic variation in mens perceptions of the dominance of potential rivals.But, in general, youre usually not sizing people upbecause youre worried about your physical safety. How can you tell if someone is going to cheat or mislead you?First,pay attention.Sounds obvious but youre probably not doing it consistently throughout aconversation.A simplebit of motivation can make a r eal difference.When I spoke toMaria Konnikova, author ofThe Confidence Game, she saidWhen your motivation is high, you actually become much more accurate at judging other people accurately. Most of the time, our motivation isnt very high because that takes more of our resources, but when were motivated, we suddenly become much better judges of character. We become much better able to read cues. Then you start being able to discern certain things.And theres a consistent cluster of behavior that has been seen among people who are trying to cheat you.ViaWray Herbert, author ofOn Second Thought Outsmarting Your Minds Hard-Wired HabitsAgain and again, it was a cluster of four cues hand touching, face touching, crossing arms, and leaning away. None of these cues foretold deceit by itself, but together they transformed into a highly accurate signal. And the more often the participants used this particular cluster of gestures, the less trustworthy they were in the subsequent financial excha nge.Andlets set aside violent people and liars - how can you just tell if someone is more likely to be a jerk? Give their clothing a look. A neat and formalappearance just says theyreconscientious.But aretheir dudsexpensive? Is a woman displayingcleavage? Is aguy showing off his muscles? Hello,narcissism.HeresSam GoslingagainNarcissiststend to put much more care into their appearance. The women tend to show more cleavage. The guys tend to show more muscles.(To learn how to deal with a narcissist, clickhere.)So youve got a better idea how to spot the Ted Bundys, the cheaters, and jerks of the world. I told you we were going to focus on the important questions were all curious about when it comes to reading othersSo how do you know if someone is interested in you?Are They Flirting?Ladies, you all consistently underestimate how attracted men are to you. (Andresearch shows thatwomen are more successful in their flirting when theyre more direct.)And less attractive guys consistentlyover estimatehow interested women are. Now whoshould definitely trusttheir gut as towhether the opposite sexis flirting with them?Handsome men. Research says of all the people studied, theyrethe most accurate judgesthe less attractive men (who believed they were better looking thanthe womenrated them) were more likely to think beautiful women were hot for them. But the more attractive guys tended to have a more realistic assessment.And the women? Perilloux and her coauthors found that women underestimated mens sexual interest.So if youre not Brad Pitt (or Angelina Jolie for that matter) what should you be looking for to tell if that special someone has the hots for you?MIT research says the 1 sign a woman is interested in a maniswhether shes talking smoothly and quickly.FromDo Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? Bodies, Behavior, and BrainsThe Science Behind Sex, Love, AttractionThe number one tip-off that a woman was interested in a man for more than friendship was her own speaking rate. Did she talk smoothly and quickly (a good sign), or hesitantly and awkwardly?And both men and womendeepentheir voice when speakingwith someone of the opposite sex they find attractiveWe found that both sexes used a lower-pitched voice and showed a higher level of physiological arousal when speaking to the more attractive, opposite-sex target.And another clear sign to look for is touching. A touch on the shoulder, waist or forearm is a good. A face touch? You should hear slot machine noises when that happens.FromClose RelationshipsThe behavior that participants rated as reflecting the most flirtation and the most romantic attraction was the soft face touch, followed by the touch around the shoulder or waist, and then the soft touch on the forearm. The least flirtatious and romantic touches were the shoulder push, shoulder tap, and handshake.(To learn more about how to flirt scientifically, clickhere.)Alright, weve learned a lot about how to read people. Lets round it up and learn the realwayyou can project a better image so when people read you, you come off looking greatSum UpHeres how to read people 101Dont make the usual mistakesTake context, clusters, baseline, and biases into consideration.First impressions are oftenaccurateWith a number of traits youcan trust your gut. But know which ones.Trust mimicry and emotional expressionBut they have to be sustained and consistent.Awful people have tellsPay attention to notice them.And look for narcissists in flashy clothing.Deepening voice and touching says flirtingTrue for both men and women.And so now that weve been through a dizzying amount of research on reading others, how can you make sure you come off well when others read you?Do you need to pay more attention to your body language? Nope.Your facial expressions or your behavioral mimicry? ersatzdarsteller nope.When I spoke toOlivia Fox-Cabane, author ofThe Charisma Myth, she said all of that is doomed to fail unless you have an acting Oscar on your shelftryin g to control your facial expressions is not just impossible, it will even backfire. Since the micro-expressions will be incongruent with the main expression, theyll give the impression that something is not quite right and you can end up seeming fake - which, of course, ruins trust and charismaYour body language and the signals you send are determined bywhats inside your head. Change how you feel inside, and what you radiate will follow. HeresOliviaThe same way that athletes get themselves into the zone you get yourself into a mental zone of whatever body language you want to emanate. And that way it will cascade through your body from whatever mindset that you wanted to get. So it really is mind over matter in the sense that whatevers in your mind will come out through your body language.In the end, it really is whats on the inside that matters. We can shape that and smooth it, but you cant go through life acting for any considerable stretch.So try something simplebe the best you that you can be.Join more than 300,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.This articlefirst appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.How to read people 5 secrets backed by researchWed all like to learn how to read people like Sherlock Holmes. And research shows understanding things like body language is even morepowerful than you might think.MIT found that the outcome of negotiations could be predicted by body language alone 87% of the time.FromThe Charisma Myth How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal MagnetismAfter extensive studies, the MIT Media Lab concluded that it could predict the outcome of negotiations, telephone sales calls, and business plan pitches with 87 percent accuracy simply by analyzing participants body language, without listening to a single word of content.But most of what youbelieve about body language and analyzing othersisbased on myth or guesswork, not real research.So how can you learn how to read people the right way? Lets get answer s from experts and studies.But first we need to understand all the mistakes youre makingHeres What Youre DoingWrongInThe Silent Language of Leaders How Body Language Can Helpor HurtHow You Leadthe author points out a number of common errors people make in reading peopleIgnoring context Crossed arms dont mean much if the room is cold or the chair theyre sitting in doesnt have armrests. Everything has to pass the common sense test given the environment. So ask yourself Should someone in this situation be acting like this?Not looking for clusters One of the biggest errors youmake is looking for one single tell. Thats great in movies about poker players but in real life its a consistent grouping of actions (sweating, touching the face, and stutteringtogether) that is really going to tell you something. So ask yourselfAre most ofthis persons behaviors associated with X?Not getting a baseline If someone is always jumpy, jumpiness doesnt tell you anything. If someone is always jumpy and th ey suddenly stop moving - HELLO. So ask yourselfIs this how they normally act?Not being conscious of biases If you already like or dislike the person, its going to affect your judgment. And if peoplecomplimentyou, aresimilarto you, areattractive these can all sway you, unconsciously. (I know, I know, you dont fall for those tricks. Well, the biggest bias of all is thinking youreunbiased.)(To learn the 4 rituals that will make you an expert at anything, clickhere.)Soyoure taking context into consideration, youre looking for clusters of behaviors, youre getting a baseline and youre aware of your biases. Tall order. Lets make it simple to startIn reading people, when can you trust your gut?When To Trust Your InstinctsGood News your first impressions areusually pretty accurate.Bad News whether they are wrong or right,first impressionsaffect us in a big wayandwe are slow to change them.Sam Goslingis about as close toSherlock Holmes as you can get. Hes apersonality psychologist at the Un iversity of Texas and author of the bookSnoop.Heres SamFirst impressions are often quite helpful but you have to be willing to update them quite rapidly. Thats whats very hard to do.So with no tips from me or Sam, and nothing more to go on than a glance, what should youtrust your gut about when you first meet someone?Studies show if someone seemsextroverted, confident,religiousorconscientious- they probably are.And if theyre good-looking, trust your instinctseven more.Why?We all pay more attention to pretty people - and so our evaluations end up beingmore accurateOverall, people do judge a book by its cover, but a beautiful cover prompts a closer reading, leading more physically attractive people to be seen both more positively and more accurately.And Sam says you can trustsomeones visual identity claims.These are the things someone chooses to display that says something about who they are or how they want to be perceived.A class ring. T-shirts with slogans. Tattoos. Pay attention to them because theyre usually accurate signs.HeresSamIdentity claims are deliberate statements we make about our attitudes, goals, values, etcOne of the things thats really important to keep in mind about identity statements is because these are deliberate, many people assume we are being manipulative with them and were being disingenuous, but I think theres little evidence to suggest that that goes on. I think, generally, people really do want to be known. Theyll even do that at the expense of looking good. Theyd rather be seen authentically than positively if it came down to that choice.Now this is all pretty personal. So what about if youre trying to read someone in a professional context?Want to know if someone is good at their job? Thenwatch them do it for thirtyseconds - or even justsix seconds.Your guess about their competence is more likely to be right than wrongIn the 1st study, consensual judgments of college teachers molar nonverbal behavior based on very brief (under 3 0 sec) silent video clips significantly predicted global end-of-semester student evaluations of teachers. In the 2nd study, similar judgments predicted a principals ratings of high school teachers. In the 3rd study, ratings of even thinner slices (6 and 15 sec clips) were strongly related to the criterion variables.Want to know if someones smart?Researchsays this is hard to tell from mere appearancewhen evaluating adults. But theres a trick that can help. Are they funny? Becausefunny people are smartThe current study lends support to the prediction that effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.And theres one other thing to listen for while theyre yakking.Theword I can be very tellingPowerful people dont say it much. Less powerful people say it the mostPennebaker finds that people who use I at higher rates tend to come across as more personal, warm and honest. While people who use I at lower rates come across as more self-confident He also find s that the highest status person in a relationship tends to use I the least, and the person who is the lowest status tends to use the word I the most.(To learn what Harvard research says will make you happier and more successful, clickhere.)Okay, so you know when to trust your gut. Now there are a gazillion studies on behavior, so lets focus on reading people to get answers to the questions we all want to know, likeCan ITrust This Person?Of course, people trying to deceive or manipulate you are going to fake signals that they are trustworthy.So we need to focus onunconscious behaviors that arent easily controlled and convey a clear message.InHonest Signals How They Shape Our World, the authors mention oneto keep your eye onSpeech mimicry andbehavioralmimicryAre they using the same words you use? Speaking at a similar speed and tone? Are they sitting the way you sit? Is a subtle, unconscious game of follow-the-leader going on? This is a sign the other person feels emotionally in sync with you. Itcanbe faked but thats difficult to pull off across an entire conversation.Beyond that, trustpeople who areconsistently emotionally expressivein their body languageThese results suggest that cooperators may be more emotionally expressive than non-cooperators. We speculate that emotional expressivity can be a more reliable signal of cooperativeness than the display of positive emotion alone.(To learn an FBI behavior experts tips on how to get people to like you, clickhere.)And now lets look at the other side of the coinwhattells yousomeones not-so-nice?Is This PersonUp To No Good?Lets start at the extreme. You can generally trust your gut as to whether someone is going to gofull-Jeffrey-Dahmer on youWe then report two experiments in which participants, given a set of headshots of criminals and non-criminals, were able to reliably distinguish between these two groups, after controlling for the gender, race, age, attractiveness, and emotional displays, as well as any potent ial clues of picture origin.Now I dont want youstereotyping people or thinkingyoure ready to be acriminal profiler. But if you really want to know if a man is dangerous,ask a short guyAlthough men generally perceived masculinized faces and voices to be more dominant than feminized versions, this effect of masculinity on dominance perceptions was significantly greater among shorter men than among taller men. These findings suggest that differences among men in the potential costs of incorrectly perceiving the dominance of rivals have shaped systematic variation in mens perceptions of the dominance of potential rivals.But, in general, youre usually not sizing people upbecause youre worried about your physical safety. How can you tell if someone is going to cheat or mislead you?First,pay attention.Sounds obvious but youre probably not doing it consistently throughout aconversation.A simplebit of motivation can make a real difference.When I spoke toMaria Konnikova, author ofThe Confiden ce Game, she saidWhen your motivation is high, you actually become much more accurate at judging other people accurately. Most of the time, our motivation isnt very high because that takes more of our resources, but when were motivated, we suddenly become much better judges of character. We become much better able to read cues. Then you start being able to discern certain things.And theres a consistent cluster of behavior that has been seen among people who are trying to cheat you.ViaWray Herbert, author ofOn Second Thought Outsmarting Your Minds Hard-Wired HabitsAgain and again, it was a cluster of four cues hand touching, face touching, crossing arms, and leaning away. None of these cues foretold deceit by itself, but together they transformed into a highly accurate signal. And the more often the participants used this particular cluster of gestures, the less trustworthy they were in the subsequent financial exchange.Andlets set aside violent people and liars - how can you just t ell if someone is more likely to be a jerk? Give their clothing a look. A neat and formalappearance just says theyreconscientious.But aretheir dudsexpensive? Is a woman displayingcleavage? Is aguy showing off his muscles? Hello,narcissism.HeresSam GoslingagainNarcissiststend to put much more care into their appearance. The women tend to show more cleavage. The guys tend to show more muscles.(To learn how to deal with a narcissist, clickhere.)So youve got a better idea how to spot the Ted Bundys, the cheaters, and jerks of the world. I told you we were going to focus on the important questions were all curious about when it comes to reading othersSo how do you know if someone is interested in you?Are They Flirting?Ladies, you all consistently underestimate how attracted men are to you. (Andresearch shows thatwomen are more successful in their flirting when theyre more direct.)And less attractive guys consistentlyoverestimatehow interested women are. Now whoshould definitely trustthei r gut as towhether the opposite sexis flirting with them?Handsome men. Research says of all the people studied, theyrethe most accurate judgesthe less attractive men (who believed they were better looking thanthe womenrated them) were more likely to think beautiful women were hot for them. But the more attractive guys tended to have a more realistic assessment.And the women? Perilloux and her coauthors found that women underestimated mens sexual interest.So if youre not Brad Pitt (or Angelina Jolie for that matter) what should you be looking for to tell if that special someone has the hots for you?MIT research says the 1 sign a woman is interested in a maniswhether shes talking smoothly and quickly.FromDo Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? Bodies, Behavior, and BrainsThe Science Behind Sex, Love, AttractionThe number one tip-off that a woman was interested in a man for more than friendship was her own speaking rate. Did she talk smoothly and quickly (a good sign), or hesitantly and a wkwardly?And both men and womendeepentheir voice when speakingwith someone of the opposite sex they find attractiveWe found that both sexes used a lower-pitched voice and showed a higher level of physiological arousal when speaking to the more attractive, opposite-sex target.And another clear sign to look for is touching. A touch on the shoulder, waist or forearm is a good. A face touch? You should hear slot machine noises when that happens.FromClose RelationshipsThe behavior that participants rated as reflecting the most flirtation and the most romantic attraction was the soft face touch, followed by the touch around the shoulder or waist, and then the soft touch on the forearm. The least flirtatious and romantic touches were the shoulder push, shoulder tap, and handshake.(To learn more about how to flirt scientifically, clickhere.)Alright, weve learned a lot about how to read people. Lets round it up and learn therealwayyou can project a better image so when people read you, you c ome off looking greatSum UpHeres how to read people 101Dont make the usual mistakesTake context, clusters, baseline, and biases into consideration.First impressions are oftenaccurateWith a number of traits youcan trust your gut. But know which ones.Trust mimicry and emotional expressionBut they have to be sustained and consistent.Awful people have tellsPay attention to notice them.And look for narcissists in flashy clothing.Deepening voice and touching says flirtingTrue for both men and women.And so now that weve been through a dizzying amount of research on reading others, how can you make sure you come off well when others read you?Do you need to pay more attention to your body language? Nope.Your facial expressions or your behavioral mimicry? Double nope.When I spoke toOlivia Fox-Cabane, author ofThe Charisma Myth, she said all of that is doomed to fail unless you have an acting Oscar on your shelftrying to control your facial expressions is not just impossible, it will even back fire. Since the micro-expressions will be incongruent with the main expression, theyll give the impression that something is not quite right and you can end up seeming fake - which, of course, ruins trust and charismaYour body language and the signals you send are determined bywhats inside your head. Change how you feel inside, and what you radiate will follow. HeresOliviaThe same way that athletes get themselves into the zone you get yourself into a mental zone of whatever body language you want to emanate. And that way it will cascade through your body from whatever mindset that you wanted to get. So it really is mind over matter in the sense that whatevers in your mind will come out through your body language.In the end, it really is whats on the inside that matters. We can shape that and smooth it, but you cant go through life acting for any considerable stretch.So try something simplebe the best you that you can be.Join more than 300,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via em ailhere.Related postsHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertNew Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You HappyNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulThis articlefirst appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.